


Hal E. Fucks

by saintroux



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Porn, An Excessive Amount of Lube, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Light Bondage, M/M, Porn Rookie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 05:48:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20286406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintroux/pseuds/saintroux
Summary: One of the guys who was supposed to come in for that day's shoot was sick with a horrendous bout of food poisoning, and both of their reliable stand-ins were booked on other shoots in other cities, and all of it culminated in Zhenya spread eagle on an itchy polyester sheet set, Sid Crosby’s fat fucking dick in his ass.





	Hal E. Fucks

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to dadvans for the title inspiration, which is what i imagine Sid's porn name would be (yes, it is in fact a play on 'Halifax'). Other rejected options included Daryll Slutter, Patrick Raw, and Cole Hard-Boy. You're welcome. ;))
> 
> This was supposed to be posted on Thursday for "PORN AU" and "BONDAGE", but it got away from me and turned into 3000 words.

Zhenya was having an out-of-body experience. The day had started like any other: he’d come in for work ungodly early, blasting down the open highway with the stereo turned up and a venti iced coffee sweating in his cupholder. Dina at the front desk chewed her gum and refused to look at him as he swiped in. He had a huge long checklist of people to text and things to buy: coffee, two sets of sheets, hand sanitizer, condoms, an extra large bag of air popped popcorn with sea-salt and ghee. 

Except one of the guys who was supposed to come in for that day’s shoot was sick with a horrendous bout of food poisoning, and both of their reliable stand-ins were booked on other shoots in other cities, and all of it culminated in Zhenya spread eagle on an itchy polyester sheet set, Sid Crosby’s fat fucking dick in his ass. 

Zhenya had known Sid for a couple of years now. He was the studio’s star player, their top bill on at least sixty percent of their projects. Zhenya had been bringing him decaf iced coffee and sneaking him bags of m&ms and sitting on the floor in the green room at lunch time listening to him go on and on about the sad-sack season the Canadiens were having for both of those years. And he had certainly wondered, once, what it might be like to-- 

But it had never happened. Zhenya was far too reserved to be the talent and he liked the job stability of his PA position. And he didn’t like to make a habit of trying to fuck the people he worked with. It was--messy. Zhenya couldn’t afford messy. 

“How is it?” Sid whispered against his neck, quiet enough that the cameras couldn’t pick it up. “You doing okay down there?” His chest was warm and sweaty on Zhenya’s back, and his breath was wet. Zhenya nodded. Sid kissed him where the fog of his breath had touched, and then bit down hard enough that Zhenya moaned. 

“Okay guys, let’s take a quick minute, we need to move the camera set up,” Jen said, peeking out from behind her clipboard, hustling the booms and the camera-ops into position. Sid pushed up onto his hands and slid carefully out of Zhenya’s ass, and laughed softly as Zhenya repositioned himself. 

“Haha, so funny.” Zhenya looked down at himself. He had scratch marks along his ribs from Sid’s short nails. He still had his socks on: tube socks with a garish red stripe. He tried and failed not to look over at Sid, who was just as naked and flushed pink all the way from his forehead to his toes. His dick was shiny and throbbing inside the condom; he had lube all over the inside of his thighs. Zhenya looked away, picking at the bedspread. “How I do? First time okay?”

“You’re pretty awesome so far,” Sid said, putting a friendly hand over Zhenya’s knee. All of these familiar friendly touches seemed so strange now that he was in bed with Sid, now that he knew what the inside of Sid’s mouth tasted like, what his _cock_ tasted like. Would Zhenya ever be able to sit and shoot the shit with him before work ever again? Maybe he would have to move to the Arctic, if he couldn’t get over it. 

But Sid was as kind and considerate as ever, maybe even more-so. Zhenya was supposed to get tied up, and Sid pulled the restraints from a plastic drawer under the bed and set them on the sheets between them. “You ready for this?” he asked, unknotting one that was still tied up. "They pretty much give me free reign, so I was thinking I would just--" Zhenya watched him flop down on the mattress, spread out on his back like a starfish with his hands at either corner. One of his hands was dangerously close to Zhenya's bare ass. "Just something easy for your first time, eh." 

Zhenya looked down at his feet and over at the glaring spotlights. The camera crew was almost ready, so he would have to be ready. "It's uh--its not first time," he told Sid, face flushing as he admitted it. "I do before, like, off camera." 

"Oh yeah?" Sid looked at him with dark curious eyes, smiling a little out of one side of his mouth. "You like it? You’re into being tied up?" 

"Yes," Zhenya asserted. "I like." Because he wasn't a virgin. He was just a normal guy. A normal guy who spent way too much time around naked men at work and liked his limbs held down during sex. That was it. It was all perfectly within bounds. He thought that maybe Sid liked it too, judging by how he was looking at Zhenya, his gaze decidedly more than friendly. 

When the cameras started rolling again, Zhenya was still hard and leaking, a little embarrassed that the awkwardness had done nothing to dull his erection. Sid took a long guzzle of a Gatorade that Jen handed him and then took the restraints in his hands and trussed Zhenya up like he had demonstrated, Zhenya lying on his back with his arms wide, legs loose and lying akimbo. 

"Too tight?" Sid asked, as he leaned in close to tie the final knot. His hands worked expertly, quick and efficient. The pads of his fingers were rough and warm against Zhenya's wrists. 

"It's okay," Zhenya said, knowing that when Sid got his dick inside again, he was going to burst. "Comfy." He wiggled his hands inside the restraints and smiled and nipped Sid's jaw as he pulled away. 

The things that Sid was scripted to say to him in scene were pretty ridiculous, things like "you like being tied up for me like a present?" and "that's right, you can't touch yourself like this can you? I love to watch you squirm." They were awful, but Zhenya was painfully into it. It was really getting him going, seeing Sid in character like this--different from the jovial, kind friend that Zhenya ate lunch with every day, though Zhenya maybe preferred that Sid, just a little bit. 

But his dark eyes were the same, and his unfairly plush mouth. Zhenya would probably spend at least the next month imagining his dick sliding into Sid's mouth while they ate craft services. He would imagine untying the knot of Sid’s fluffy robe, and going to his knees and-- 

"Fuck," Zhenya moaned, as Sid bit his nipple and the soft skin of his stomach. He trailed bites down until his chin brushed the edge of Zhenya's pubic hair. Zhenya was certain that his dick was drooling all over Sid's neck. 

“You want it?” Sid asked, his voice a little different on camera than Zhenya was used to. He couldn’t remember if he had heard Sid speak like this before, the few times that he’d had to be on call to assist with a scene, but the rough sound of it was buzzing through his whole body like wildfire. 

When Sid finally took Zhenya’s dick into his warm mouth, Zhenya yelped, his hips bucking off the bed like a total rookie, sending his dick deep, pressing against Sid’s throat. But of course Sid was a consummate pro and he just went with it, letting his mouth go loose and sloppy, dripping saliva all over Zhenya’s lap like he had meant to do it. Sid was holding Zhenya’s hips down with one firm forearm. In his restraints, Zhenya’s hands itched to move. He wanted to put his hands in Sid’s hair and fuck his face, he wanted to--

“Careful, there--” Sid said to him, pulling off with a showy ‘pop’. He slapped Zhenya’s sweaty hip like a buddy would do, and crawled up over his body on all fours, his hands on either side of Zhenya’s head. He dipped down to kiss Zhenya on the mouth and whispered. "Don't wanna come too soon." 

Zhenya wasn't a child, but he felt like one a little, learning this new way to behave. He had thought he knew a lot about the industry by now, thought he was a jaded old man about it. He’d been there, done that, read the reviews. But he had been wrong. 

It was a little silly, fucking someone in front of people telling you to "turn a little toward the wall" or "don't use your tongue so much." But it was still undeniably sex, and Zhenya felt bowled over by it, by how Sid made him feel like it was just them, messy and naked on Zhenya's futon at his apartment in the warm afternoon, the way Zhenya had once imagined. 

Sid kissed him again, and put his hands in Zhenya's hair the way Zhenya wanted to do to him. He stroked his thumbs down the sides of Zhenya's neck and nudged him around until Zhenya wrapped both legs around Sid's hips. He could still feel Sid hard against him, his cock a little tacky now from the air-conditioning. 

"Fuck me," Zhenya said, loud enough for the cameras to pick up, because that's what he always saw the guys in porn do. They spelled it out for the audience, played it up. Zhenya had always wondered if they were faking it. But it didn’t seem like Sid was faking it. "C'mon. Fuck me."

"Eager," Sid said, and bit Zhenya's tongue and smirked at him, wicked. "I like it." He pushed one of Zhenya's knees forward until it was brushing his nipple and Zhenya hoped that the camera wouldn't catch the soft folds of his stomach from this angle. Hopefully it would focus instead on his dick, which he thought was pretty nice, as far as dicks went. 

Sid fumbled around in the sheets for the lube and flipped the cap open and drizzled so much of it on Zhenya's asshole that he shivered and Sid smiled at the sound, laughing a little meanly about it. The editing team would cut this part out anyway, because no one liked to see someone get lubed up and risk dulling the fantasy. 

"Cold," Zhenya complained, shooting Sid a disgruntled look, wanting Sid to get on with it. 

"Sure, okay." Sid was still laughing at him, that jerk. "Let me warm that up for you, you big baby." Zhenya didn't like to be sassed, but he did like Sid's fingers on him, sliding warm up and down the slick crease of his ass, laying extra pressure at his hole until the tips were sinking in. 

Sid sank just one finger in up to the knuckle at first, and it wasn't enough but it wasn't like he knew that. Zhenya appreciated the thorough, considerate prep regardless. But it really got good when Sid noticed him rolling his hips a little and gave him another one, two fat fingers in his ass, slick and curling up to get him just right.

Zhenya groaned frighteningly loudly when Sid brushed his prostate, so loud that Sid looked up at him from between his spread knees and raised his eyebrows, fully aware that he had done a good job. He stilled for a moment while he looked Zhenya in the eye and Zhenya ground down on him, fucking himself on Sid's fingers until he was twitching and flirting dangerously with his own orgasm. 

"You ready for me?" Sid asked, in that dumb camera-ready voice of his, holding his dick by the root and wiping his slick fingers off on Zhenya's asscheek. 

Zhenya pulled his other knee up to his chest, holding himself open by the backs of his thighs. He could hear the steady-cam guy moving closer to the bed, and see the shifting shadows of some of the lights as they maneuvered. Sid gave his hole a few more lingering touches, rolling his thumb around and around where he was swollen and wet. "I'm ready five minute ago," Zhenya said, even though it wasn't what the director wanted him to say. Fuck it, this wasn’t his full-time job. He wanted it. 

It didn't take Sid long to oblige him. He put on a new condom and shuffled in until the thick, blunt head of his dick was pressing against Zhenya’s hole. He smiled gently up at Zhenya, giving him one last out that he didn’t really need, and then he shoved in in one long thrust, all the way until the base of him was tucked up against the overheated skin of Zhenya’s ass. 

It felt--it was a whole lot, even more than it had been earlier during their first go, Sid’s thick, warm dick inside of him, his big square hands cupping the backs of Zhenya’s knees. He slid in and out a few times and Zhenya felt a noisy breath punch out of him each time their hips collided. He closed his eyes and pulled at his restraints, wanting to press himself down more urgently on Sid’s dick. 

Sid slumped down on top of him, bracing with his hands on either side of Zhenya’s chest, which the camera guys probably hated, but Zhenya loved. He loved to feel weighed down, and Sid was thick and heavy, the perfect human blanket. “I love how noisy you are,” Sid whispered to him when he ducked his head close. Zhenya’s cheeks flamed, and he felt himself leaking steadily, all over his stomach. Fuck. He was going to--

He had been under clear instructions to let the crew know when he was about to blow his load, because there was no way they would miss a chance to film a cumshot. But Zhenya didn’t even need to say anything, because Sid just looked over at them and said, “I think he’s gonna come real soon, guys.” Zhenya could _hear_ the smirk on his face. He wanted to kiss it and bite up Sid’s flushed mouth in retaliation. 

“Give us a good angle,” Jen said, and Sid did as he was told, sitting up with his thighs spread wide, his dick half in and half out of Zhenya’s ass. He took Zhenya in hand and toyed with him, smearing his precome all over the place, jerking him off expertly until Zhenya was a shaking, trembling mess, screwing himself back onto Sid’s dick and coming all the way up his own chest. 

He had barely slit his eyes open while Sid had gotten him off, but he opened them now, watching Sid slide his fingers through the mess on Zhenya’s chest, painting him with come. He pulled his hand away and brought it to his mouth and sucked his fingers clean and Zhenya had to close his eyes again at that. It was way too much. Sid was way too attentive and unfairly attractive and Zhenya wasn’t sure how he had possibly gotten here, but here he was. 

He wondered if Sid liked the taste of him. Maybe it was just old hat, but Zhenya could hope.

“You’re such a mess,” Sid said, sliding himself slowly in and out of Zhenya’s ass as he spoke. “I love it, god.” He pushed Zhenya’s knees back down, and Zhenya let his tired limbs splay wide, bracketing either side of Sid’s hips as Sid finished himself off, fucking deep and slow in a torturous rhythm until he was grunting softly and screwing his face up in pleasure. Zhenya could feel his warm release filling the condom, and he put his hands over Sid’s where they held onto the crease of his hips, rubbing his thumb back and forth as Sid came down. 

“Jesus,” Sid said, and hung his head, a few loose waves of hair falling over his forehead, each of them frizzy and clumped with sweat. 

“Great job, guys,” Jen said, breaking Zhenya from his sex-dumb stupor. The lights clicked off one by one, and the camera-ops rolled their equipment away. One of the other PAs threw them a couple of towels, but they were still tangled up together so the towels just landed in a heap near Zhenya’s armpit. 

“I’m gonna pull out, okay?” Sid said, hand gentle on Zhenya’s sweaty leg as he eased himself out and slumped down on the bed next to Zhenya, nudging him until he scooted over to make room. 

“You untie me?” Zhenya asked, after Sid curled up and closed his eyes. “Or I just stay here while you sleep?” 

Sid laughed, but he sat up a little and reached out to undo Zhenya’s restraints. “I’m just resting my eyes, eh,” he said, and scrunched his face up at Zhenya as he stretched to undo the other arm. Zhenya wiggled his free wrists around, feeling some of the soreness ebb away. 

But Sid didn’t return immediately to Zhenya’s side, he propped himself up and looked Zhenya in the eye and smiled. “You really wore me out.” 

Zhenya blushed; he didn’t want to see anything in Sid’s gaze, but he couldn’t help it. Sid probably said something similar to all of his scene partners. Zhenya knew how kind he was, with his friendly, gregarious, good boy reputation. But as he lay there, watching Sid a little out of the corner of his eye while he rubbed one of the towels over his junk and under his arms, he thought that he probably wouldn’t be able to deal with himself if he didn’t try to at least--

Maybe he would have to quit this job, if it ended badly. But they’d been work-friends for years, and maybe it would be okay, and they could be professional, and get on with their lives. Zhenya knew Sid was a stand-up guy. 

“Maybe I wear you out again,” he said, one arm thrown across his face to hide his flush. “Maybe no cameras next time.” It was still kind of weird to think that _people_ would see him getting off like this, out there in the nebulous digital world. 

Sid picked up Zhenya’s arm and locked eyes with him beneath it, smiling wide with his big white teeth. “Oh yeah?” he asked, and his grin got even bigger when Zhenya tried and failed to cover his own shy smile. “You think you’re up for it?” He kissed the exposed curve of Zhenya’s jaw and then his neck and his collarbone and his chest, and he crawled back on top of Zhenya with a scrambled sense of childish glee. 

This was definitely Zhenya’s favorite version of him: the silly, dorky Sid who’s been telling him dumb stories over lunch for two years. He wondered what other kinds of Sid there were, and how many of them he might get to know, in and out of Sid’s bed. 

“Yes,” Zhenya replied, his arm slack beside his head, Sid hovering over him like a big, eager dog. He touched Sid’s cheek and ran his hand down further until he could pinch at Sid’s temptingly pink nipple. He loved to see Sid smile. “I think I’m try.”


End file.
